Free To Be Me

Praise God I am free to be me!

Those days when I wake up in a bad mood and the morning takes a sharp downward spiral, those times I am distant and detatched from those closest to me and when I am rude, thoughtless, grumpy, pushy, sarcastic and just plain ornery, that’s not really me.  I’m not that guy who just cut someone off in traffic when he could have been polite and let them have the right of way. That’s not me! Not often anyway, praise God.

That used to be me all the time. Angry, stressed, panicked, paranoid, selfish, deceitful, manipulative, inconsiderate and the center of my universe is who I used to be. I was an altogether different person than I am today. I had nothing spiritually, I was emotionally ravaged and my mental state had deminished through years of turmoil, betrayal and abuse. I expected bad things to happen and was rarely disappointed. I thought of suicide and half heartedly attempted it once or twice. Depression hung over my world from sun up to sun down and usually through the night as well. What a dark and lonely world I was trapped in for so many years. Praise God nothing lasts forever!

The Son came up over my world one day. He shined His light into my dreary existence and gave my life meaning. I have always known who Jesus was and what He did here on earth. I was saved at an early age, so early I don’t remember the exact moment and I was Baptize when I was small enough that I had to stand on a cinder block to keep my head above the water.  I knew of Him, knew many of His words and had grown up with His picture hanging on the walls of our home and a Bible on the coffee table. However throughout my life I never really knew Him personally. He was the guy who died for me, the one who saved me from my sin and the reason for Christmas and Easter and Sunday School and on and on…. but I never really knew Him.

I have a totally different view of my life since being delivered from my world of darkness. I see a purpose, reason or plan behind everything that happens. I feel led by events in my life, by sermons, by the words of the Holy Bible and the music I listen to everyday. I am prompted by His Spirit to do and say what He wants me to do and say. Not that I do what I should all the time and I am sure I have firmly planted my foot deep in my mouth on more than one occassion but I am trying. I truly desire it in my life. I am getting better day by day. Stronger as I travel the path He has laid out for me.

I am struggling to grow in my walk with the Lord. I want to be right beside Him everywhere He leads me. I want to say the words that He puts in my heart. I want to do the things that His Spirit prompts me to do when others need my help. It is my desire to be instrumental in bringing others to know Christ as I now know Him. On a personal level. I consider Him not only my Savior but my friend, my confidant, my adviser and my guide. He is the reason my life does not fall apart everytime something bad happens to me or my children. He is the reason I do not lay down and give up. He is the reason I struggle endlessly to maintain that relationship through life’s chaotic happenings.  He is all there is in my life that is beautiful. Without the Lord Jesus Christ in my life today I would have nothing.  I would be nothing.

What is there in this world that is worth trading my soul for possessing it? What can I have here on earth during this struggle called life that would be worth my eternal soul? Eternity. What would I give up eternity to have?

Nothing! There is nothing here on this little world worth trading for my eternal soul. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and I will serve Him until I die. I may not always do the perfect thing at the perfect time but I will strive to grow in my personal relationship with Him and to serve Him in more ways everyday. I want to help my church to grow and prosper, I want to help my family to strengthen their belief in and their relationship with Jesus Christ and I want to help bring Jesus to this lost and dying world. There are so many people out there just like my old self. They live daily in misery because they have no purpose in life other than the struggle they face every day. I want to lead them to the one who can lift that burden. I want to introduce them to the one who can shine joy and peace and love into their dreary days. The one who can lift them above all of life’s troubles. Above all the pain that life inflicts. He is the only way, the only truth and the only life. Jesus is everything. He will bring us through anything life can throw at us.

That is why I am free to be me. Because Jesus gives me the inner strength, hope, joy and peace to face each day as if it were the best day of my life. I don’t have to be grumpy because I’m tired. I have no desire to be distant from those I love. That’s not me. The real me wants to encourage and to inspire. The real me wants to laugh and have fun. Jesus gives me the ability to be me even when my life has exploded for the day. He allows me to be me even when the world tries to distort my personality. He’s the reason I can smile when most would say that I should be crying!

I am FREE to be me in Jesus Christ everyday. Praise God!